| Survivors are SpeakingOut |
"My name is Melani Marquez and I am a Child Sexual Abuse survivor. About a year ago, I finally built
up the courage to confront the issue of Child Sexual Abuse in my family. As I anticipated, the news
did not go over well with the older generation. Many of them felt that I was "airing out my dirty laundry"
instead of "taking accountability" for what happened to me, as if it were my fault. I was called vicious
names by several Aunts and accused of dishonoring my family. Despite the blows I endured, I
insisted that my generation talk to their children about sexual abuse prevention. As it later turned out,
I uncovered that sexual abuse had been a generational problem in my family because my
predecessors never talked to each other about their abuse nor did they stress prevention to their
children. In the end, I learned that there were a total of 13 members in my family who experienced
sexual abuse or was a witness to it. I personally found this number to be alarming considering the
small size of my family. What's more, the children who did come forth to admit their abuse were
quickly dismissed as liars. Their alleged abusers were never confronted nor was there any
intervention to ensure their conduct was not ongoing. I came to realize that if this tragedy happened to
my family, it could also be happening to other families who are afraid of breaking their silence of
abuse. Since confronting my family, I've made it my personal mission to spread awareness for Child
Sexual Abuse and provide resources to parents for prevention. I accomplish this through my social
networking sites such as Twitter, Facebook and Myspace. I also take the opportunity to share my
message with other parents during casual conversations. I often acknowledge the sensitivity of the
topic but also stress the importance of talking about it so their children don't become victimized like I
was. So far, I'm glad to report how receptive and active parents have been to taking preventative
measures. Apart from this, I am also a member on the volunteer screening committee for my church.
I have the responsibility to screen, interview applicants and ensure proper background checks are
done before volunteers are able to work with children.
Just recently, I participated in a Child Abuse Prevention Fair in honor of "Child Abuse/Sexual Assault
Awareness Month". The event was held on April 17th at Travis Air Force Base, CA where I reside and
am a member of the military community. I was fortunate to work right along side the Family Advocacy
faculty who displayed an informational booth regarding Child Abuse prevention. Among the resource
brochures available to the community was the SpeakingOut pamphlet on "What Every Parent Should
Know". I'd like to thank Susan and the SpeakingOut organization for providing this resource online so
I could continually spread my message about Child Sexual Abuse prevention in a non-threatening
and sensitive manner. Thank you for fighting the good fight so there will be one less child affected by
this senseless and horrific crime. I'm confident that by continually spreading awareness for this
cause, we can create a zero-tolerance for Child Sexual Abuse in our society. God bless."
Melani Marquez, Travis AFB, CA (April 2010)
up the courage to confront the issue of Child Sexual Abuse in my family. As I anticipated, the news
did not go over well with the older generation. Many of them felt that I was "airing out my dirty laundry"
instead of "taking accountability" for what happened to me, as if it were my fault. I was called vicious
names by several Aunts and accused of dishonoring my family. Despite the blows I endured, I
insisted that my generation talk to their children about sexual abuse prevention. As it later turned out,
I uncovered that sexual abuse had been a generational problem in my family because my
predecessors never talked to each other about their abuse nor did they stress prevention to their
children. In the end, I learned that there were a total of 13 members in my family who experienced
sexual abuse or was a witness to it. I personally found this number to be alarming considering the
small size of my family. What's more, the children who did come forth to admit their abuse were
quickly dismissed as liars. Their alleged abusers were never confronted nor was there any
intervention to ensure their conduct was not ongoing. I came to realize that if this tragedy happened to
my family, it could also be happening to other families who are afraid of breaking their silence of
abuse. Since confronting my family, I've made it my personal mission to spread awareness for Child
Sexual Abuse and provide resources to parents for prevention. I accomplish this through my social
networking sites such as Twitter, Facebook and Myspace. I also take the opportunity to share my
message with other parents during casual conversations. I often acknowledge the sensitivity of the
topic but also stress the importance of talking about it so their children don't become victimized like I
was. So far, I'm glad to report how receptive and active parents have been to taking preventative
measures. Apart from this, I am also a member on the volunteer screening committee for my church.
I have the responsibility to screen, interview applicants and ensure proper background checks are
done before volunteers are able to work with children.
Just recently, I participated in a Child Abuse Prevention Fair in honor of "Child Abuse/Sexual Assault
Awareness Month". The event was held on April 17th at Travis Air Force Base, CA where I reside and
am a member of the military community. I was fortunate to work right along side the Family Advocacy
faculty who displayed an informational booth regarding Child Abuse prevention. Among the resource
brochures available to the community was the SpeakingOut pamphlet on "What Every Parent Should
Know". I'd like to thank Susan and the SpeakingOut organization for providing this resource online so
I could continually spread my message about Child Sexual Abuse prevention in a non-threatening
and sensitive manner. Thank you for fighting the good fight so there will be one less child affected by
this senseless and horrific crime. I'm confident that by continually spreading awareness for this
cause, we can create a zero-tolerance for Child Sexual Abuse in our society. God bless."
Melani Marquez, Travis AFB, CA (April 2010)
| America... A Safe Place for Children! |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| We Need Your Support! Just Click on PayPal Donate Button for a Fast, Easy & Secure Way to contribute to our cause. You do not necessarily need to have a PayPal Account to donate online through our site. If you experience any difficulty accessing PayPal, please check your Pop Up Blocker Setting. |
| "A Safe Place" Workshop Crash Course on the Crime of Child Sexual Abuse [Awareness & Prevention] Workshop Info Sheet (PDF Format) Bring Workshop to Your Area (PDF Format) |
| Susan Suafoa-Dinino, President/Founder of SpeakingOut available for...
SpeakingOut also available for...
|
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
Where Do You Stand?
Who stands with us? Who fights for us? I find more and more than no one stands up for us and we are the only
ones that can fight for ourselves. I guess one of life’s lessons is that you should learn not to expect anything from
anyone, always be willing to stand up for yourself and fight for what you want. History has shown that our families
remain silent; they treat our abusers like welcomed family members; they support them and care for them while
we stand alone wondering what we did that was so wrong that we would be abused, that we would have our lives
forever altered, that we would now have to deal with all the issues that arise because of what we have been
through. With all of that on our plates we turn around and notice that we are left standing alone, our immediate
family has chosen to pretend it didn’t happen, or to blame us for it, or to guilt us into silence. Our extended family
is equally stupid in behaving like what we went through and what we continue to go through is water under the
bridge; that we deserve to constantly have to see their love and concern towards someone who hurt us so deeply
and feel their hatred and disappointment if we decide to speak out. I have come to notice that having family
believe or stand with you is the rare exception.
I always thought that in many cases you had to have gone through it to understand what we have to deal with. I
know this is a heavy remark to make and I am sure there are those who haven’t been through it or witnessed it that
are able to respond more adequately to the situation. I would like to know how many of you with children would
allow someone who has been previously accused of sexual assault into your homes, into your children’s
bedrooms? Is it ok because it happened to us, because you can’t fathom the damage done that he should be
accepted and in many ways chosen over us? I don’t know how many of you have dealt with this situation or
anything similar but it puzzles me as to how we divide who considered falls into the pedophile, creepy
relative/friend file and who gets to walk around freely unpunished for their crimes. DO we react differently when it
is our children who are hurt? But history has shown that not even that makes a difference. SO the question is what
will it take to make things better, what will it take to make people realize how detrimental all of this is. It affects us
all whether we know it or not.
Souyenne Dathorne, The Caribbeans (July 2011)
Who stands with us? Who fights for us? I find more and more than no one stands up for us and we are the only
ones that can fight for ourselves. I guess one of life’s lessons is that you should learn not to expect anything from
anyone, always be willing to stand up for yourself and fight for what you want. History has shown that our families
remain silent; they treat our abusers like welcomed family members; they support them and care for them while
we stand alone wondering what we did that was so wrong that we would be abused, that we would have our lives
forever altered, that we would now have to deal with all the issues that arise because of what we have been
through. With all of that on our plates we turn around and notice that we are left standing alone, our immediate
family has chosen to pretend it didn’t happen, or to blame us for it, or to guilt us into silence. Our extended family
is equally stupid in behaving like what we went through and what we continue to go through is water under the
bridge; that we deserve to constantly have to see their love and concern towards someone who hurt us so deeply
and feel their hatred and disappointment if we decide to speak out. I have come to notice that having family
believe or stand with you is the rare exception.
I always thought that in many cases you had to have gone through it to understand what we have to deal with. I
know this is a heavy remark to make and I am sure there are those who haven’t been through it or witnessed it that
are able to respond more adequately to the situation. I would like to know how many of you with children would
allow someone who has been previously accused of sexual assault into your homes, into your children’s
bedrooms? Is it ok because it happened to us, because you can’t fathom the damage done that he should be
accepted and in many ways chosen over us? I don’t know how many of you have dealt with this situation or
anything similar but it puzzles me as to how we divide who considered falls into the pedophile, creepy
relative/friend file and who gets to walk around freely unpunished for their crimes. DO we react differently when it
is our children who are hurt? But history has shown that not even that makes a difference. SO the question is what
will it take to make things better, what will it take to make people realize how detrimental all of this is. It affects us
all whether we know it or not.
Souyenne Dathorne, The Caribbeans (July 2011)
Hi. Rick Sluss is my name. I’m 60 years old. My childhood was plagued by sexual abuse by a
fireman, from age 11 until age 26. With the help of a close friend, we were able to put this to an
abrupt end. I was then able to get involved in a men’s support group to work on my problem.
For the next 30 plus years, it became a full time job for me. I worked hard to fight those
nightmares of what that man did to my body and my mind. The more I worked at opening up and
sharing those bad thoughts from the past, there were more thoughts that came to mind. I don’t
know how I was able to endure all of that abuse, but I did.
As I reflect on my past, I can’t recall many happy moments because of the trauma I endured. I
guess you could say that I was a victim of circumstance. I have learned that my life is not the
most important thing I must be concerned about. I have a duty to love and to help my fellow
man. The best thing I can do is to help someone in need. I no longer will allow someone to hurt
another child, especially if it’s another adult. I won’t allow someone to violate another person’s
body, because it causes untold physical, mental and emotional damage. As long as I do my
part to break the cycle of abuse, I will help to make this a better world to live in and to enjoy. I
challenge you to join me in doing this.
Rick Sluss, Oak Creek, Wisconsin (December 2011)
fireman, from age 11 until age 26. With the help of a close friend, we were able to put this to an
abrupt end. I was then able to get involved in a men’s support group to work on my problem.
For the next 30 plus years, it became a full time job for me. I worked hard to fight those
nightmares of what that man did to my body and my mind. The more I worked at opening up and
sharing those bad thoughts from the past, there were more thoughts that came to mind. I don’t
know how I was able to endure all of that abuse, but I did.
As I reflect on my past, I can’t recall many happy moments because of the trauma I endured. I
guess you could say that I was a victim of circumstance. I have learned that my life is not the
most important thing I must be concerned about. I have a duty to love and to help my fellow
man. The best thing I can do is to help someone in need. I no longer will allow someone to hurt
another child, especially if it’s another adult. I won’t allow someone to violate another person’s
body, because it causes untold physical, mental and emotional damage. As long as I do my
part to break the cycle of abuse, I will help to make this a better world to live in and to enjoy. I
challenge you to join me in doing this.
Rick Sluss, Oak Creek, Wisconsin (December 2011)
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| Read / Print Latest Newsletter (PDF Format) January 2012 To access all previous issues of SpeakingOut News, please visit our Home Page. |
“Imagine if every ADULT who has ever been molested as a child recognized they were not
alone. Imagine if every ADULT who has ever been molested as a child let go of a shame that
was never theirs to carry. Imagine if every ADULT who has ever been molested as a child found
their voice. Imagine if every ADULT who has ever been molested as a child joined hands and
told their story. Our country needs us to speak the truth, because we have a nation of adults
doubting if there is really a problem or that there even is an epidemic. This journey of honesty is
not only to help heal ourselves but to protect this generation of children and the next generation
and the next. Sexual Abuse of Children can be Stopped. It needs a voice. Our voice.”
Randa Fox, Houston, TX (February 2012)
NOOW / Not On Our Watch (Co-Founder)
notonourwatch.net
alone. Imagine if every ADULT who has ever been molested as a child let go of a shame that
was never theirs to carry. Imagine if every ADULT who has ever been molested as a child found
their voice. Imagine if every ADULT who has ever been molested as a child joined hands and
told their story. Our country needs us to speak the truth, because we have a nation of adults
doubting if there is really a problem or that there even is an epidemic. This journey of honesty is
not only to help heal ourselves but to protect this generation of children and the next generation
and the next. Sexual Abuse of Children can be Stopped. It needs a voice. Our voice.”
Randa Fox, Houston, TX (February 2012)
NOOW / Not On Our Watch (Co-Founder)
notonourwatch.net
| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| Read / Print Brochure (PDF Format) Mission Statement & Contribution Form |
| Read / Print Brochure (PDF Format) What Every Parent Should Know |